Have you ever wondered where your friends have gone? Or noticed you don’t have many friends? Or not enough of them?
Perhaps the rigours of raising kids, a move, or meeting the demands of work have eaten up your time and interest in maintaining friendships.
Some of us have friends we made in childhood that continue throughout our lives.
Many of us made friends in the college years as we left home and started to forge a new path as adults.
Work can be a place where we make friends, and sometimes we want to keep those relationships at a surface level to keep work and home separate.
I have heard many clients express the wish that they had deeper friendships.
Or more of them.
This thought can sometime trigger feelings of inadequacy or fears that “something is wrong with me”.
Or the question “is it too late to make meaningful friendships?”
I’ve noticed in my own life that some friendships have been really important at different times in my life, and then naturally drop off.
As a new mom I valued friendships with moms who were a little farther along in the motherhood process than me. These women were mentors in something that really mattered to me.
In grad school I had a tight group of friends that were a big part of my life. Our group chat pulsed all day long as we worked through assignments and navigated this new career path. Now that our lives have gotten busy in other ways, those group chats have slowed down to more of a monthly update.
I’ve had great friends who moved away and neither of us made an intentional effort to stay in touch. Life gets so busy and when we aren’t bumping into each other anymore, it can be a bit ‘out of sight, out of mind’.
So if you are noticing that you want to increase the quality or quantity of friends in your life, you may feel some anxiety about it.
It’s a normal human experience to fear rejection.
Yet sometimes our anxiety gets in the way of making new friends.
Instead of asking “would this person want to be friends with me?”, ask yourself “what kind of friend am I?”
1. What qualities do I bring to my relationships?
(maybe you’re a great listener, or you have fun ideas, or you’re good at going with the flow).
2. When insecurities show up, remind yourself of these good qualities.
3. Reflect on positive experiences you’ve had in the past with friendship.
4. Take the initiative - throw out a few hooks and see what bites. Just like someone going out for a day of fishing, you aren’t in control of which fish are hungry. Cast out a few hooks (invitations to connect) and see who bites. Perhaps you have plans to see a movie this weekend, who might want to join you? Is there a celebration coming up that you could host and invite a friend over to share a meal?
Open yourself up to new friendships, or circle back to friendships that have been neglected.
Put yourself out there, reminding yourself that you aren’t responsible for whether or not they are “hungry”.
Doing this will increase your confidence to take some risks.
If you struggle with friendships, relationships, or anxiety, and need support, I am happy to work alongside you.