When a relationship ends, it can be tempting to want to be alone and lick our wounds, so to speak.
For optimal psychological health, we need time alone and time in connection with others.
Human beings thrive in meaningful relationships.
Every person is lovable and it can still take effort to find friends.
Can you spot the friendship mistakes (or lost opportunities)?
You see a group of people in a loose circle, talking and laughing. You keep your distance and stay out of the conversation to be respectful. Or, you ask to join the conversation, so you can meet more people.
You’re wanting to make more friends at your new school/work/church/neighbourhood. You create and make use of opportunities that arise naturally with the people you come into regular contact. Or, you wait for others to notice you and invite you to do activities together, telling yourself that if they are interested, they will reach out.
You start hanging around with people who complain a lot, look for problems, and have a negative view of the world. Or, you look for people who respond positively to you and to life in general.
You are starting to meet some new people. You develop some positive opinions about others and keep these thoughts to yourself. Or, you decide to take a risk and share these thoughts with them.
You want people to like you, so you start telling them what you think they want to hear (even if you don’t believe it). Or, you don’t use flattery - it feels manipulative. You decide to share your reactions honestly.
As you start meeting new people, you notice they share their thoughts and feelings. You decide to say nothing about yourself to keep the focus on them. Or, you disclose about the same amount of personal information as they do.
When meeting new people, answer their questions as quickly and briefly as possible. Or, show interest in others by asking them questions that reflect your curiosity in them.
Find opportunities to mix with people who share your interests and values. Or, find opportunities to mix with people who share very little in common with you. For example, if you value responsible pet ownership, volunteering your time at the local animal shelter. Or, you have no interest in animals and simply want to add to your resume by volunteering.
These are just a few areas to consider as you build friendship opportunities.
Life transitions, like going away to college, or moving to a new city, can bring some friendships to an end and the chance to build new ones.
It usually involves some courage and risk taking - going outside your comfort zone. If you would like support in making changes, reach out.